Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Or is it? Prominent relationship experts say that it depends on your relationships...or lack of them...with family or extended family. When I was a child I remember listening to holiday music and hearing "It's the most wonderful time of the year", made famous by Andy Williams. As an adult, I am aware that it may have felt that way to Andy Williams, or the writer of the song, but for a lot of people, the holiday season can be a difficult time. It is difficult for a number of reasons,and most usually because someone is going to have to spend time with, or perhaps, without family.

Why do we find family or spending time with family so difficult? There are a multitude of reasons and they include anxiety, frustration, fears, joy, hopefulness and thankfully, happiness. Whether you spend your holidays with our without family, or as many of you are doing... spending it with your new family, I would like to share some thoughts with you as you prepare for your holiday season.

  • Focus on the positive. Finding fault is easy. We all have faults and if someone looks hard enough, they can find them. Learn to compliment the other on what you like about them and you will find that they will concentrate on not doing those things that you have previously criticized them for.

  • Establish and develop healthy boundaries. You can't control other people. You also cannot allow them to control you. Just say "no" to unhealthy behavior. Work on your own behavior and maintaining your own boundaries - not in trying to "save" or "correct" someone else. If you are getting to know your fiance's family, try to remember you are in the beginning stages of developing a new lifelong relationship. Starting your new family relations on as solid ground as possible can create a lifetime of peace!

Written exclusively for TwoBeWed by
Yvette Valdenegro

Life Coach, CTACC